Over the weekend I attended a National Adoption Day ceremony at which my brother and his husband adopted two boys. Most of my family and all of my brother-in-law's family were there to show our support. Through the course of the morning, more than one person broke down in tears, including my father, a man not given to public displays of crying. My brother and his husband have worked very hard to get to this point; they will, I think, make great parents.
They were not the only non-straight couples adopting children at the ceremony I attended, one of hundreds that took place across the United States. But more sobering was a short event at the end of the morning, when they identified some of the many children in that city who remained to be adopted, who need loving homes and families.
One thing it caused me to reflect on was the whole debate about same-sex marriage. In a world where so many children need adoptive families, where are all those good Christian straight couples ready to adopt these children? If it is really such a disaster to have gay and lesbian couples adopting children, why don't those good Christian pastors (and religious leaders of all anti-gay-marriage advocates) step up to the plate to save these poor children who need so desperately to be loved in good homes? But I fail to see it happening.
No, they are too busy stopping gays and lesbians from forming lasting relationships with legal sanction and protections to be bothered with helping children who need good parents. And to add to it, better make sure that those gays and lesbians can't adopt children either, whether the biological children of their partners, or children that would never otherwise have parents.
The other thing it got me thinking about is the fact I'm in my early 40s and have no children, despite the fact that for years I desperately wanted to have children. I really would like to have biological children, but I am not willing any more to put a good woman through the stress and travail of marrying a gay man like me. Perhaps I can adopt. But I fear I have become too selfish as I have got older, too used to being free of commitments. Still, the biological imperative to have children still is there. Maybe some day I will be able to have or adopt children, like my brother and his husband.
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I've been an advocate for the gay partner of a child's parent to have rights in making medical decisions. Beyond that, when we talk about adoption I get muddled. It's not just a simple matter of expanding adoption rights to more people to allow more children to have homes, though. I think the concern (whether legitimate or not) is whether changing adoption requirements would have a larger effect than merely helping that group of children... i.e., it could harm another unrelated group. I don't expect gays to buy this, but it seems a lot less obnoxious than just charging that religious people or conservative people aren't doing anything because they don't care. They're not so busy taking away rights from gays that they neglect helping the children... from their view they're doing the best for everyone.
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